Consultations: Edward Kopp

Most of my life I have been some kind of “performer”. When I was a young boy I was singing and dancing for my family. It felt great to be in front of my family and to make them laugh and happy and then receive praise for how good I was. There was a sense that I was doing something good for others as well as feeling that while “on stage” I had a sense of being powerful and felt “special”. This was in contrast to the rest of my life when I felt small and powerless and the moments performing seemed to give me enough pleasure to deal with the rest of my life.

I began playing guitar at age eight and became very passionate about it. I began listening to many famous musicians and wanted to be like them. I idolized these musical “gods” as they appeared so huge and massive as well as so talented and popular. By my teenage years I was in a band that did quite well and in high school I even became a bit of a star for my guitar playing. Music had become my top priority and more important than personal relationships. In a way music had become my “Master” and it became very difficult for me to devote time and energy to music and to the people in my life. If I was giving too much attention to music, then my personal relationships suffered. If I gave too much attention to my personal relationships then I felt my music suffered. This was an on going battle within myself and I almost always chose music over my personal relationships. People could come and go in my life but I would always have my guitar to keep me company.

My guitar was where I went for healing and to come to some sort of harmony. It was also where I got attention and recognition. Playing guitar provided things for me that I had a hard time finding anywhere else or with anyone else and so my guitar was hugely important to me as was music. The act of guitar playing allowed me to become intimate with parts of myself I usually did not share with any one else. These moments were very important to me and I therefore became very possessive of “my” music and the time I needed with my guitar which created a very co-dependent and almost addictive relationship with music.

The outside persona I had created caused me to become a performer everywhere I went - with friends, lovers, schoolmates, and at work. I was always performing, being funny, and charming others always with a motive of receiving praise, validation and hopefully making me as popular as I could be. Eventually the charming persona began to wear thin and I felt trapped by my own creation. At this point I had become extremely co-dependent on those around me and was not living my truth but acting the way I thought people wanted me to be. I had given those around me (my audience) all my power to determine how I felt about myself. This is a torturous way to live that does not allow for any true self expression and had me always evaluating people’s responses to what I did and said and scrutinizing their responses or lack of response and making up my own story about what happened. At this point I was so out of my body and in my head that I would go around and around in my mind about things and drive myself crazy.

There were many sad, depressed and angry parts of my inner self that wanted to be expressed but I was living in fear of disappointing others and felt trapped by this outer “nice guy” persona.

Out of fear I had suppressed the dark and ugly parts of myself into my subconscious and unconscious. Since I wouldn’t or couldn’t allow these parts of myself to be expressed they did it for me and I began a very self destructive path. Continuing down the long dark road of “making it” as a musician there were many disappointments which led to many feelings of rejection. The sense of rejection became overwhelming and I sought solace in drinking, drugs and sex. Now my goal was to numb the pain I was in as much as possible. I became quite “talented” at numbing the pain.

By age thirty I realized I was going nowhere fast and decided to take a backpacking trip away from my native land. This was scary but also very liberating. I was in places where no one knew me. If no one knows me who am I going to be? How about myself. I felt a camaraderie with other backpackers and felt an intimacy with others I had never known before. It felt like in an hour I could be best friends with someone and then when either of us had a new destination there were no attachments, no regrets and only blessings for a continued safe and joyful journey. What freedom! I had never felt this free, nor accepted for who I was in the moment. I had learned I didn’t have to perform all the time to be accepted and there was great sense of relief and joy for allowing myself to just “be”.

Upon returning to my homeland I began to take an interest in healing myself and began taking classes and reading many books and eventually came upon the SSOA website. I began to read it non-stop as it resonated so deeply. It made so much sense to me. I eventually began going to International Ascension Conferences and met my beloved at a 2002 International Ascension Conference. I still had some of the performer in me at International Ascension Conference but she was able to see through the mask and see past the persona. I had met my loving partner who did not want a performer but wanted me just for who I was.

This put all of my issues surrounding relationship in my face which was very scary. If I cannot charm, use or manipulate my beloved then how am I going to behave? At first much of the old anger came out that I had repressed and this was not pretty to witness. I certainly did not appear very loving much of the time. Much of my anger was due to the fact that I couldn’t play the old games I used to as they didn’t work any more. The gig was up so to speak and I had to discover a new way to be in relationship that was based on honor and unity. This certainly was not what I was used to and the old parts of me fought hard to keep the old game in tact. But through perseverance and the support of Earth and SSOA we were able to work through the issues between the male and female enough to begin to come to balance in our relationship.

I am blessed to be with someone who accepts and loves me for who I am and this has helped me enormously to break through the patterns that I invented to protect myself. Love truly is the only way to real freedom and yet I have had so many parts of myself resisting. My beloved has helped me to open my heart and feel. I have spent most of my life trying not to feel and opening the heart has been a slow and gradual process but has led to a sense of fulfillment within and has created a joyful, loving, harmonious relationship with my beloved.

Ascension has provided me with the tools to slowly take my “performer” self off the stage and get more real with myself and others so I can relate to myself, my beloved and others in equality and honor. It is because I had feelings of being small and dishonored that I wanted to be a “big” performer. Through ascension much internal healing has occurred and many of my old emotional wounds have begun to be healed and I am learning I don’t have to create a persona/identity to feel good, I can commune with Earth and Soul and Nature and feel loved from within. The more loved I feel within the less I have to puff myself up to be above others. Ascension has allowed me to be able to play without being a performer, and this is a grand gift indeed.

If any of this resonates and you feel I can assist you in any way you can contact me at soundslikeunity@yahoo.com

The donation for a consultation is $70 per hour. A series of six one-hour consultations can be orchestrated over a four to six month period for a donation of $350. Carol and I also will do readings for couples and for individuals who want a male and female perspective.

The Complete Ascension Workbook Series A special series of three or six consultations with Ed and Carol Kopp designed to focus upon working with the Earth Mother's Complete Ascension Workbook I and II.

The Living Orchestra Series of Consultations A special series of six consultations with Ed and Carol Kopp designed to focus upon managing the music of one's field to create a more greatly harmonious life dream.

Inner Male, Female and Beloved Healing Series A special series of consultations with Ed and Carol Kopp designed to focus upon healing the inner male, inner female and inner beloved to restore greater peace and balance within and create more harmonious relationships without in one's own partnership or family; also for those desiring to clear patterning to create the ascending beloved.

Chinese Herbs and Regeneration Oils Carol has been tincturing the Chinese Herbs for Ascension for some time and now offers these lovely healing agents to others outside of SSOA. Carol also has created regeneration oils and creams from the tree kingdom recipes that Lilliya has brought through over time.

Namaste,